


Joe is a Dad

by RaeTheStar



Series: Hermitcraft Oneshots [3]
Category: Hermitcraft
Genre: Gen, I love him, In which joe is the most dad, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-10-18 13:21:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20639834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaeTheStar/pseuds/RaeTheStar
Summary: Joe is the best dad on the server, but sometimes he’s too good.





	Joe is a Dad

"Hmmm..."

"Hello Stress! Can I assist you in your vegetation ventures?" Joe strolled across the lawn, setting a sign aside.

Stress stood to meet him. "Maybe. What do you think about the bush right over there?"

"Hmmm..." He rubbed his hands in contemplation. "I think it looks delightful, but you could try mixing in different leaves if it 'leaves' you wanting more." He suggested.

Her face lit up as she giggled. "Thank you Joe, you're always such a help!"

"Think nothing of it! I've got a meeting with Iskall64, but give me a ring if you need anything." Just as Joe unfolded his elytra, a fireball landed at his feet, nearly singeing his eyebrows.

"Oh, sorry Joe! Just a misfire, my bad!" Impulse flew past, making a beeline for the malfunctioning machine.

"No problem, I'll tidy this up!" Joe splashed water out of the nearby stream, but as he went to stamp out the remaining embers, his boots broke. "Okay, I'll get new boots, and then meet Iskall."

"woaaAAAHH!!!" Python's outline could just be seen in the distance, followed by the outline of a cow, falling down the side of his skyscraper. His items exploded all over the place, along with the remains of the cow.

"I've got you Python!" Joe sprinted over to the tower, quickly stowing all the items he could hold in his pockets. Python's enchanted axe and boots, along with some concrete, were left on the floor as Joe sprinted to the shopping district. "Chest, chest, chest.."

He bolted around a corner, only to stop short after running into Rendog. "Hey man, what's the rush?" He chuckled.

"Python.. perished.. his items..." He waved Py's pickaxe, gasping for air.

"Dude, that's so cool of you to get his items! But, uh, what's the rush? It looks like you've got most of it?"

"Axe. Boots. Concrete."

Ren's brow furrowed. "Oh. Do you want a chest?"

"Yes please."

Joe quickly jammed as many items as he could into the box and booked it back to the Pyscraper. "Still time, still time!"

"Time for what?" Mumbo poked his head out of a shop as Joe passed by.

"Py- Py-!" Joe doubled over, gasping for air.

"Joe, slow down!" Mumbo trotted over and grabbed his shoulders. "Deep breaths. In... Out..."

After a couple rounds, Joe pulled away and started ambling off. "Joe, what's the hurry? Surely I can help?"

He gestured vaguely. "Python. Items."

"Oh! You wait here, I'll go get them!" Mumbo began running, but Joe kept pace.

"Where you two headed together?" Iskall laughed as he flew overhead. The distraction was all Joe needed, as he tripped over his own feet and passed out on the cement.

".....hello?"

"Oh you're awake, thank goodness! Everyone was getting nervous!" A fuzzy outline that vaguely resembled Xisuma danced around the edges of Joe's vision.

"Wha..."

"You must have overdone it doing something. When Mumbo and Iskall brought you in, you were dehydrated and fainted from overexertion!"

"Iskall..." Joe needed to see Iskall and apologize for missing their meeting.

"Iskall left a while ago, but he left you some "water" and a raw mutton." Xisuma chuckled. "Nearly everyone has visited- you've got quite a few goodies now."

"Mmm."

There was a soft rapping at the door to the dirt hut. "Hullo?"

"That must by Python. I've got to go, but don't strain yourself!" Xisuma nodded as he passed Python in the doorway.

"Heya bud, how ya feeling? Thanks for grabbing my items for me!"

"But I lost some.."

"Helping isn't worth your life man! So, what kinda gifts do ya have over there?" Python quickly changed the subject.

"Dunno, Iskall brought somethin." Joe sat up, grabbing the bottle. A sickly sweet scent drifted from it's mouth. He cautiously took a sip, and nearly dropped the bottle out of nausea. "Gouuhhhh..."

"Not water huh? Typical Iskall." Python chuckled as he stepped towards the door. "I gotta bounce, but I can get Iskall if you wanted to see him?"

Joe nodded vigorously. He needed to apologize.

—

"Wassup dude? Heard you wanted to see me! How're you feeling? Did you try my water?" Iskall laughed.

"Sorry for missing our meeting, I was helping Stress, and then Impulse, and Python needed help, and-"

"Chill out dude! You really are a dad, huh?"

"What do you mean?"

"First of all, lay down. You're as pale as a skeleton. Point B, do you hear yourself? You've been helping people all day, every day, even if they don't need it! It's nice bro, but you've got to take care of yourself! If you're busy, just say so and we can meet another time. You don't need to please everyone twenty four-seven to be a good friend!"

Joe sank into bed silently. "...I just wanted to help."

Iskall sat at the end of the bed. "And you did. But we're not children, we can take care of ourselves! Usually. You don't need to stop helping people, because that's the JoeHills Difference! But remember to rest, too."

"...I guess you're right.."

"How about a toast to your health?" Iskall lunged for the bottle on the table. He downed half the liquid in 2 seconds, before the effects began to set in. He swayed slightly, giggled, and stood up slowly.

"Love you daddy! Have a good nap!" Iskall blew a kiss as he ran directly into the doorframe. Stuttering, he found the opening and made his way out.

Joe pulled the covers up to his chin, ready for a nap. He was the dad of the server, and loved taking care of his friends, but he learned his limits the hard way. Now, even if his friends were dying right outside the door, he could rest, because that's the JoeHills Difference.

**Author's Note:**

> I love Joe with all my heart, but it’s so hard to write his poetic prose lol


End file.
